Operation Beautiful Heart

It all started last Monday when my RA and I had a conversation about modesty. This chat quickly changed to my obsession with clothes. It got me thinking; I spend way too much time thinking about clothes. I constantly analyze outfits, hairstyles, and make up tricks. My mind is filled with a myriad of outfits that I could create. My life is clothes and the ways I can buy more and wear more. At the end of our conversation I came to the conclusion that my unhealthy obsession needed to be dealt with. Now, I know for a fact that God created me with this fiery desire to adore clothes; however, He doesn't ask me to make them a idol in my life. I've realized that I absorb more time thinking about clothes than about the God who has an unfailing love for me. He created me in the most beautiful way and I am so cherished by Him for exactly for I am. With that, who cares if every single person in the world thinks my outfits are cute?! The God of the universe knows my heart is beautiful and that's all that matters to me. He doesn't care about my new H&M skirt as much as He does for my heart. For these reasons, I've decided to fast from vanity. For this week, I am abstaining from picking out a cute outfit and sticking to t-shirts and jeans. During Monday through Friday, I am refraining from wearing make-up or doing my hair. It may not seem like a big deal but it will be a challenge for me. On top of that, I will still get up the same early time I usually do but instead of getting ready I am going to spend time with God. I love clothes and God gave me a heart for fashion for me to enjoy it, but I know I need to control my desires to live a healthier live. I want to see what it will be like to completely rely on God for my source of confidence instead of my outfits and the compliments I get from them. I'm very intrigued to see who in my life notices and how well daily without my need for comfort in clothes. I am calling my fast "Operation Beautiful Heart" and I couldn't be more excited to see the ways God molds and stretches me while I write a daily report on my blog. "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair, wearing of gold jewelry, and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self. the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4

Day One:

I woke up this morning a little excited for my fast. Within five mintues that changed. "Why am I doing this?" I keep asking myself. I threw on jeans (this is very unusual for me and my Trade As One t-shirt) Without accessories and makeup, I checked the mirror to try to do the tangled mess some people like to call hair. Finally, after coming to the conclusion that I looked decent a lot of thoughts were running through my head. Such as, "I'm surprised how much uncute clothes I actually do own" or "there is a reason why I don't do ponytails! I feel like there is a bush tail on the back of my head."


Then I spend  the remaining couple minutes in my quiet time. Suddenly, when I walked into my living room I truly noticed the remarkable view. I bet this picture of beauty happens every morning but I never took the time to notice. The sun perfectly shined over the water and it was something I've missed out on before. After this, I read Psalm 29 which verse three reads, "The voice of the Lord is over the waters; the God of glory thunders, the Lord thunders over the mighty waters. The voice of the Lord is powerful; the voice of the Lord is majestic." As I looked out onto my great view I took note to the way the pond was moving. The water made the most beautiful motion as the air guided its waves. For the first time, I did not take note of another girl's outfit but something more admirable than that.

Well day one has come and gone, and I must say it was harder then I thought. All day I kept thinking when I got home I could put on some makeup or do my hair. Regularly, I would forget my purpose for taking part in this. Nevertheless, some other students asked me if I was okay, some told me I was beautiful, and one said it was his first time seeing me in jeans-which is a lie but I appreciated how he noticed. I wondered how girls don't wear dresses because I felt so uncomfortable all day and I noticed more girls' outfits who were wearing sweats than dresses. It's only been day one and my attitude has not been very positive. As the week comes I pray my confidence changes because through out the whole day my confidence level was very fickle.

Also I dressed my roommate today. After I did I thought to myself, "awesome I will dress my roommate all week!" However, she caught me and said I wasn't allowed to pick out her outfit because it would be cheating.  At least, I really loved her outfit today!

Fearless

When it comes to this topic it doesn't matter how much money you make or what clothes you wear. If I've learned anything this past summer, it's that life doesn't care who you are or where you're at when it throws something your way. The past three months I've gone through the biggest changes I've ever experienced. Needless to say, I'm tired, stressed, and fearful. As time has gone past since graduation, my experience as a "real" adult haven't been ideal. Through my car accident and becoming the sickest I've ever been, I can only grow. Through being the first to pick up everything to move to a new state, I can only become stronger. Through losing what I thought was the most critical part of my life I could only learn to be resilient.

When I hit a breaking point I thought to myself, "When did I become so fearful?" I never recall letting negative thoughts creep into my life as if they were true. Just because I am moving to a new state doesn't mean life won't happen for me. It only means I can become a mature adult faster. I look at other students my age and feel sorry for some.

This may be the scariest and loneliest point in my life so far. However, my growth, strength, and resilience is turning me into the adult I'm supposed to be faster. I guaranteed I am never going to apologize for being stressed out during this time in my life. I'm discovering who I am and that's hard. With that, I'll always praise God for the people in my life who will stick by me. Friends who accept me in all circumstances while having my back when I don't seem myself. Family who support me even when I'm angry, confused, and hurt. Writing, reading, and exercising more that makes me feel healed. Church family who constantly checks in on me and tells me keep my head high. More importantly, a God who knows I am worth it. Worth it to die for and work in and around my life. I'm going to be just fine because with these things in mind I'm fearless.
As of today, I don't worry anymore. I don't worry if I'll meet the right person. I don't worry about starting my life over in Colorado. There is nothing to worry about. So with no worry comes no stress and with no stress is no fear. I'm fearless. I'll embrace every moment of loneliness, hurt, joy, pain, and praise. On top of that, this past week I really learned that even one of the most important people in your life can let you down. Even when that happens, I won't let it stop me. I have to pick myself back up and keep going. What other choice do I have? I will never let life get me down; there's no reason for it!

I'm reminded of this: "So you have sorrow now, but I will see you again; then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy." - John 16:22. My final question is this--Is that all you got? That's nothing, life! Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life and I'm fearless.

Eight years in counting

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16 is the most famous Bible verse ever. It's on posters, quoted in all regards, and even featured on the bottom of Forever 21 bags. This verse means so much more to me than words that are constantly reprinted. Not only is it the verse that marks my faith but it marks when I was baptized. On March 16th I was baptized in the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. This date is so important to me because it's the anniversary of the relationship I know is the most beautiful. This March 16th will be my eight year anniversary (too bad Hallmark doesn't make cards that say 'hey congrats on loving Jesus')  I can hardly believe just eight short years ago I began the most incredible journey. Having a personal relationship with Jesus is the reason I hold this date so dear to me. I look back on the little girl I was when I was baptized in the old Central Christian building and think how much has changed since then. Since then, Central opened two more campus and remodel the mesa building while I went through several pastor changes in my youth ministry. Along with that, my relationships with my church family grew and I gained never ending support system. Through it all, the consuming, graceful love from Jesus is still the same it was eight years ago. Everyday I fail, God still loves. Everyday I live with my issues, God still shines. Everyday I wake just to praise and glorify a truly amazing God. I pray that each day that turns into each year the love God overflows can be shown in my actions, words, and attitude in daily life. I look back to my life with Jesus and how I wouldn't trade anything for being in Him arms. Thankful doesn't begin to explain my gratitude to my God, his perfect plan, and the small moments where he has taught me the most. To me, the past eight years were just the beginning. The beginning of discovering the world He created. The beginning of a Acts 29 ministry. The beginning of a deep, satisfying relationship. Here is to the next eight and the years to follow that. "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Ephesians 3:20

A few of my favorite things

1. Going off Campus As seniors we receive the special privilege of going off campus for lunch. During my fall semester, I hardly ever took advantage of this. Now I try to make it off campus everyday. This and going to spouts for the sandwich special has become one of my new favorites.

2. Popsicles I totally forgot how much I love Popsicles till one of the editors brought a box to yearbook one day. The coolness of a yummy Popsicle is truly unbeatable. It was the best part of my day when the staffers compared the change of color on their tongues.

3. When other people fall I have been known to fall, trip, and stumble from time to time so it's refreshing when my follow clumsy friends take the big fall to the ground. It's nice not to be the only one who trips over nothing while simply walking.

4. Church camp "This one time at church camp.." now that that's out of the way. I love church camp, I compare it to family vacations. This year was my last one and it was one of the best. It was most likely the most calm weekend I've ever had at camp and it was also the perfect get away from the craziness in my life at the moment. It was also strange to think that just four short years ago I was afraid to get into the van to go to my very, first camp. As camp came to a close, it made me more and more sad to know it was my last camp ever. Hopefully, I will be running one of those camps sometime soon.

5. Mini me Meet one of my best friend's little sister, Kendall. I swear this cool kid is trying to be the next Melanie. When I went over to Kaylie's house for our usual Gossip Girl night her sister only did something if I did, had soda if I had soda, and desperately wanted to sit next to me during diner. She actually only put on her PJ's when she saw I had mine on as well. Yes, it's always nice to be admired and copied.

6. Best friend time My best friend Dahlya has a history of being kinda busy. Whether it's travel, school, or auditions Dahlya has a full load. For this reason, when she has a free moment for best friend time I take it. She makes my days better and brighter so spending time with her is a must. Honestly, these past couple weeks she has been the best possible friend ever and every time I spend even a ounce of time with her I become more thankful for her presence in my daily life.

7. Dance parties Every year at church camp we throw a dance party. Last year, it was 80s themed and this year was neon. It got a little crazy and the best part was at the end when all the seniors got into a huge huddle to spend the last song together. My youth group is cool.

Looking back I'm not sure where the past two weeks have gone. I was thinking about it earlier today and I had a lot of fun but my business has consumed me to the point where I don't remember falling asleep. But, I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I was reading my journal the other night and I came across a paragraph I wrote on December 19, 2010, "I feel so lucky sometimes. Even when I'm really stressed I am still loved by God, I still love others, and I am still loved by others. Even when I have a lot of problems going on I am still forgiven. I have faith." This still rings true in my life today. As my best friend once said to me, "Life is too short to be sad about anything."

The vine, vine dresser, and some fruit.

On the road to improving my life, I make lists. Trust me, I have a ton. On one of my many lists is the new goal to read more novels. So this weekend I started a new book by Hayley DiMarco. After reading the first couple sentences I knew the written words where exactly what I needed to read. The author started out the first chapter with the concept of a vineyard. It's rooted from the passage John 15:1-8. Jesus describes us as branches and Himself as a vine. "When we remain in him we can produce good fruit." Fruit in terms of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. "It's you at your best." This verse got me thinking about my life and the world around me. Everything I do is colored by the fact that I love God. My life isn't how I planned it to be; it's at times messy, untimely, and confusing. I'm on a daily search for hope, patience, and kindness. There are moments where nothing can stop me and times where it feels as if it couldn't get worse. However, what makes a huge difference is that God is vine dresser to my branch. With all this craziness I couldn't do life on my own and trust a God who can. "When life is more than I can bear, God is more than I need." My life does not focus on what others think or do to me but who He is. My life is defined by the simple truth that because of God's love He lives in me to help improve the grow of my fruit. It's unbelievable what picking up a book can do for you and your relationship with Jesus.

Pay It Forward

"Compassion is the ultimate and most meaningful embodiment of emotional maturity. It is through compassion that a person achieves the highest peak and the deepest reach in his or her search for self-fulfillment."

Pay it forward. Simple as that. I learned in church today that if you see a need it's your job to take care of it. Everyone has a story, issue, and need. However, when was the last time we put aside our problems to help others. Today, I got the opportunity to attend one of my friend's church. All day I debated whether or not I should attend that night's service. I had already been to my church that morning and due to family issues I was having an awful day. While I was deciding if I should go my youth pastor told a story about Jesus that made my choice clear. Jesus had the compassion to put his needs aside at all times. There is a popular Bible story in Matthew 14:13 called Jesus feeds the five thousand. The background info is that right before Jesus performed this miracle His cousin John was beheaded. Now if one of my family members had just died and thousands of people were following me I would most likely send them away. But Jesus didn't. He saw they needed something to eat, He had compassion (verse 14), and feed them with all the food that he had. That's pretty amazing. So what about us? How would you response? We read how God did but given the responsibility how am I responding? When we sit in our Christian, safe bubble we limit our opportunities. If any person wants self-fulfillment; guess what it's not about you. It's how you response to others. If you help 3 people those 3 help another 3 and if it continues then 31,381,059,609 people could be helped. Those who are crazy enough to believe they can help others and change the world actually end up doing it. Nothing changes when nothing changes. So pay it forward. Do I have my own issues? Yes, but it's not as important as others.


I did end up going to my friend's church tonight; but today I am really thankful for Central Christian. A church that has been my support for the past four years. An important lesson I've gained from my experience there is "if you live in the past you'll miss the blessings of the future." Central has been a great part of my life and I know will always be there for me cause it's more than a church it's my home. I have no worries when it comes to the future for I'm leaving for college with wisdom, love, and strength. At my church the cross is central. Jesus died on it and handed it to us. It would be easier for me not to have invested myself in a community, a church, and a relationship with God. But whats the point of living a easy life when you a live a dangerous one.

Thank you to my youth pastor and senior pastor who taught me this essential life lesson today.

Under My Umbrella

The weather hardly ever changes where I live but when it does I'm rain ready. Puddles beware... Special thanks to my church for letting my photographer and I shoot there. Enjoy my first outfit post











Outfit Breakdown: Grey V-neck from Forever 21, Green Coat from Kohls, Purple Hat from Urban Outfitters, Rain Boots from Internet, Black Dress (can't remember), Black Tights from my step mom's closet.