Fearless

When it comes to this topic it doesn't matter how much money you make or what clothes you wear. If I've learned anything this past summer, it's that life doesn't care who you are or where you're at when it throws something your way. The past three months I've gone through the biggest changes I've ever experienced. Needless to say, I'm tired, stressed, and fearful. As time has gone past since graduation, my experience as a "real" adult haven't been ideal. Through my car accident and becoming the sickest I've ever been, I can only grow. Through being the first to pick up everything to move to a new state, I can only become stronger. Through losing what I thought was the most critical part of my life I could only learn to be resilient.

When I hit a breaking point I thought to myself, "When did I become so fearful?" I never recall letting negative thoughts creep into my life as if they were true. Just because I am moving to a new state doesn't mean life won't happen for me. It only means I can become a mature adult faster. I look at other students my age and feel sorry for some.

This may be the scariest and loneliest point in my life so far. However, my growth, strength, and resilience is turning me into the adult I'm supposed to be faster. I guaranteed I am never going to apologize for being stressed out during this time in my life. I'm discovering who I am and that's hard. With that, I'll always praise God for the people in my life who will stick by me. Friends who accept me in all circumstances while having my back when I don't seem myself. Family who support me even when I'm angry, confused, and hurt. Writing, reading, and exercising more that makes me feel healed. Church family who constantly checks in on me and tells me keep my head high. More importantly, a God who knows I am worth it. Worth it to die for and work in and around my life. I'm going to be just fine because with these things in mind I'm fearless.
As of today, I don't worry anymore. I don't worry if I'll meet the right person. I don't worry about starting my life over in Colorado. There is nothing to worry about. So with no worry comes no stress and with no stress is no fear. I'm fearless. I'll embrace every moment of loneliness, hurt, joy, pain, and praise. On top of that, this past week I really learned that even one of the most important people in your life can let you down. Even when that happens, I won't let it stop me. I have to pick myself back up and keep going. What other choice do I have? I will never let life get me down; there's no reason for it!

I'm reminded of this: "So you have sorrow now, but I will see you again; then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy." - John 16:22. My final question is this--Is that all you got? That's nothing, life! Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life and I'm fearless.

Happy Easter

I was at a brunch a couple days ago when some of the girls said to one another, "Happy Good Friday." That night the question was brought to me, "whats so good about Good Friday?" There's nothing good about it if you weren't to think about the Sunday that followed; Friday was a day of despair. How I look at the Gospels and think how much Satan must have loved this Friday. However, Sunday is God's refusal of Satan's day. The meaning behind Easter, I think I've missed before, is Jesus's suffering. "The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the Devil's work" 1 John 3:8b. Easter's meaning is that the wrath of God was poured on Jesus so it wouldn't be on us. Jesus suffered the most awful death imaginable during that time so there could be a Sunday. During church this past weekend I learned a new detail about the story of Jesus that I've never truly noticed before. When Jesus came back after the resurrection he came to his disciples. Earlier one of this own stated that he wouldn't believe in Jesus if he didn't see the scars from the crucifixion himself. Suddenly, while all the disciples in a locked room Jesus appears. Yeah, that's cool walk through doors, that won't freak out anyone Jesus. Anyway, Jesus calls up Thomas and says, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe." I never noticed that Jesus came back with scars. God didn't come back with his new body but with one that proved his love. When you see the scared Jesus, it makes sense. Lucky for us we have a God that gets it. That leads and loves and understands pain and has scars as well. When I put my scared hands in his; scared from pain and issues in my life, he says me too. Through the Sunday and through His scars there's healing from the Friday and any day that's knocked us down personally. God has a plan for the darkness and the meaning of Easter is that God is in control. "Finally, let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus" Galatians 6:17.

My favorite verse of all time is Isaiah 53:5 "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed."

Love endures

In my March Madness post I wrote about how my mom was getting married within the upcoming weeks. With that, the wedding has come and gone and I must say it went flawlessly. My mom looked beautiful and the whole night was proof how great true love is. One of my goals for the wedding was to give a toast at the reception. Moments before, I went up to speak I became so nervous; however, it didn't matter because it was a breeze. I hoped my speech captured how I felt about Steve and my mom's relationship and I believe it did when my mom said to me at the end of the night that I made her wedding day perfect. Here is a copy of my toast and I hope that one day I find what my mom waited for.


 

For the past 18 years my mom had given me so many important life lessons. From how to drive stick shift to how to handle all my adolescent problems my mom has been my guide through it all. With every situation she has been the strongest and most admired women in my life. For that, I am truly grateful for all her advice and words of wisdom being a light in my path. However, there was something that she once told me that I can’t quiet agree with. My mom always said true love is easy. Yes, that statement could be true but when I look at my mom and her new husband easy doesn’t come to mind. I witness their love story and think after years and years of finally getting to this day easy is not the adjective to begin to describe it. What I feel my mom tried to say is that true love endures. Love endures miles, minutes, and many lost opportunities. Steve and Jo are the perfect example of love enduring all. For their two hearts to endure all the hard to somehow by God’s plan to come to this day. Jo and Steve’s love endured 38 years, 730 miles from here to Id, and a health scare and now it’s just easy for with each other they proven their love can and will endure all for the rest of their lives. It is an honor to not only hear of their love but to be a part of it. I am so blessed to have Steve in our family and it’s a privilege to call him my dad. Here’s a toast to my mom and Steve for tonight is the beginning of always. For tonight is mere formality, only an announcement to the world of feelings long held. For a belief in each other and a decision to ignore or simply rise above the pain of past. The covenant that once ties two souls, the celebration of the chance taken and the challenge that lies ahead. For two will always be better than one and for love that endures all.

Eight years in counting

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16 is the most famous Bible verse ever. It's on posters, quoted in all regards, and even featured on the bottom of Forever 21 bags. This verse means so much more to me than words that are constantly reprinted. Not only is it the verse that marks my faith but it marks when I was baptized. On March 16th I was baptized in the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. This date is so important to me because it's the anniversary of the relationship I know is the most beautiful. This March 16th will be my eight year anniversary (too bad Hallmark doesn't make cards that say 'hey congrats on loving Jesus')  I can hardly believe just eight short years ago I began the most incredible journey. Having a personal relationship with Jesus is the reason I hold this date so dear to me. I look back on the little girl I was when I was baptized in the old Central Christian building and think how much has changed since then. Since then, Central opened two more campus and remodel the mesa building while I went through several pastor changes in my youth ministry. Along with that, my relationships with my church family grew and I gained never ending support system. Through it all, the consuming, graceful love from Jesus is still the same it was eight years ago. Everyday I fail, God still loves. Everyday I live with my issues, God still shines. Everyday I wake just to praise and glorify a truly amazing God. I pray that each day that turns into each year the love God overflows can be shown in my actions, words, and attitude in daily life. I look back to my life with Jesus and how I wouldn't trade anything for being in Him arms. Thankful doesn't begin to explain my gratitude to my God, his perfect plan, and the small moments where he has taught me the most. To me, the past eight years were just the beginning. The beginning of discovering the world He created. The beginning of a Acts 29 ministry. The beginning of a deep, satisfying relationship. Here is to the next eight and the years to follow that. "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Ephesians 3:20

When you forsake the lives of others you only forsake your own

In Matthew 5:46-47, Jesus speaks on a message that's really been on my heart lately. The bible reads, "⁴⁶ If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? ⁴⁷ And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?" To me, that's powerful. What more are am I doing? I can go to church, read my Bible, and check Jesus off my list but how is God's mercy influencing me? For the past three years, I've had a idea to create my own clothing line to help eliminate violence against women. It is truly my biggest dream to be a founder of a non-profit organization and personally, it would be my way of doing more with life and serving others.  Even though, this passion festers in my heart I've found other non-profit organizations that I fully support.

1. Trade as one "Fair trade seeks to transform the lives of poor producers in the developing world by enabling them to use their skills and resources to work their way out of poverty. "

2. Love 146 "The abolition of child sex slavery and exploitation."

3. The I-Heart Revolution  "The purpose  is insirpation, awareness and connection."

4. Charity: water "bringing clean, safe drinking water to people in developing nations."

Taking simple steps, such as visiting a couple sites, can be major in the big picture. Buy a t-shirt, get educated, and raise awareness is just the beginning.  I don't claim to know all the answers or be a expect. However, there a lot more I could be doing from my hometown to helping others around the world. So can everyone else. We are all in this together and nothing changes when nothing changes.

A few of my favorite things: Valentines day edition

1. Giant Cards Last week my best friend Kaylie and I found a giant valentines card at the gas station. To her it was Christmas and it was a great way to kick off valentines day mode.
2. Not so secret admirers On the special day of love I went to my first class a little early to talk with my physics teacher. I left all of my stuff at my desk and went up to the front of the room to make up a quiz. When I came back a boy from another class came in just leave me a candy sucker. It truly made my day and it made physics a little bit more bearable.
3. Candy It was hard to even walk through the high school hallway without friends handing me candy left and right. I didn't mind one bit, can we make this an official part of my day?
4. Marriage Proposal I was asked for my hand in marriage and by totally accident. Kaylie hand made her valentine cards and randomly gave me the "Marry Me" one. It's always lovely to know someone wants to marry you.
5. Tradition My best friend Dahlya and I have a traditional gift for valentines day. Dark chocolate covered fortune cookies. yum. It is a must eat and inside each cookie there is a quote about friendship. Two years ago she gave me a box and this year I gave her one. I'm positive we will be mailing our cookies to each other next year.
6. Yearbook Parties I knew that I would be having tons of treats on v-day, especially in yearbook. For this reason, I skipped breakfast, lunch and all real type of food to save room for my massacre of sugar. This was a great plan till I left school early sick.
7. Cheesy Valentines I recall in elementary school making a home made mail box and patiently sitting at my desk as I watched classmates place valentines in my box. I miss this. So when my friend AJ gave me a cheesy valentine it was the icing to the perfect valentines day cupcake.


Even though Valentines day has come and gone I must say this year was the best yet.

Cupid's Closet

My favorite part of Valentine's day, without a doubt, is the clothes. No, not the candy, the roses, or even the presents; it's the clothes. The cutest part of being apart of a couple is looking great with your other half. I mean I won't date a guy if I don't like the way he dresses. When a boy and girl look cute together and their styles work with each other it's what I like to call a love match. With the big day just around the corner I've taken more and more note to couples and their style. I've developed a crush on these famous couples and their clothes. Have fun lovers when pairing pink dresses with your guy's sense of style.

In order clockwise: Alexa Chung&Alex Turner, Freida Pinto&Dev Patel, Whitney Port& Ben Nemtin, Charlotte Kemp Muhl&Sean Lennon. All credit to Teen Vogue February 2011