It all started last Monday when my RA and I had a conversation about modesty. This chat quickly changed to my obsession with clothes. It got me thinking; I spend way too much time thinking about clothes. I constantly analyze outfits, hairstyles, and make up tricks. My mind is filled with a myriad of outfits that I could create. My life is clothes and the ways I can buy more and wear more. At the end of our conversation I came to the conclusion that my unhealthy obsession needed to be dealt with. Now, I know for a fact that God created me with this fiery desire to adore clothes; however, He doesn't ask me to make them a idol in my life. I've realized that I absorb more time thinking about clothes than about the God who has an unfailing love for me. He created me in the most beautiful way and I am so cherished by Him for exactly for I am. With that, who cares if every single person in the world thinks my outfits are cute?! The God of the universe knows my heart is beautiful and that's all that matters to me. He doesn't care about my new H&M skirt as much as He does for my heart. For these reasons, I've decided to fast from vanity. For this week, I am abstaining from picking out a cute outfit and sticking to t-shirts and jeans. During Monday through Friday, I am refraining from wearing make-up or doing my hair. It may not seem like a big deal but it will be a challenge for me. On top of that, I will still get up the same early time I usually do but instead of getting ready I am going to spend time with God. I love clothes and God gave me a heart for fashion for me to enjoy it, but I know I need to control my desires to live a healthier live. I want to see what it will be like to completely rely on God for my source of confidence instead of my outfits and the compliments I get from them. I'm very intrigued to see who in my life notices and how well daily without my need for comfort in clothes. I am calling my fast "Operation Beautiful Heart" and I couldn't be more excited to see the ways God molds and stretches me while I write a daily report on my blog. "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair, wearing of gold jewelry, and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self. the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4
Day One:
I woke up this morning a little excited for my fast. Within five mintues that changed. "Why am I doing this?" I keep asking myself. I threw on jeans (this is very unusual for me and my
Trade As One t-shirt) Without accessories and makeup, I checked the mirror to try to do the tangled mess some people like to call hair. Finally, after coming to the conclusion that I looked decent a lot of thoughts were running through my head. Such as, "I'm surprised how much uncute clothes I actually do own" or "there is a reason why I don't do ponytails! I feel like there is a bush tail on the back of my head."
Then I spend the remaining couple minutes in my quiet time. Suddenly, when I walked into my living room I truly noticed the remarkable view. I bet this picture of beauty happens every morning but I never took the time to notice. The sun perfectly shined over the water and it was something I've missed out on before. After this, I read Psalm 29 which verse three reads, "The voice of the Lord is over the waters; the God of glory thunders, the Lord thunders over the mighty waters. The voice of the Lord is powerful; the voice of the Lord is majestic." As I looked out onto my great view I took note to the way the pond was moving. The water made the most beautiful motion as the air guided its waves. For the first time, I did not take note of another girl's outfit but something more admirable than that.
Well day one has come and gone, and I must say it was harder then I thought. All day I kept thinking when I got home I could put on some makeup or do my hair. Regularly, I would forget my purpose for taking part in this. Nevertheless, some other students asked me if I was okay, some told me I was beautiful, and one said it was his first time seeing me in jeans-which is a lie but I appreciated how he noticed. I wondered how girls don't wear dresses because I felt so uncomfortable all day and I noticed more girls' outfits who were wearing sweats than dresses. It's only been day one and my attitude has not been very positive. As the week comes I pray my confidence changes because through out the whole day my confidence level was very fickle.
Also I dressed my roommate today. After I did I thought to myself, "awesome I will dress my roommate all week!" However, she caught me and said I wasn't allowed to pick out her outfit because it would be cheating. At least, I really loved her outfit today!
