It's good to be home

I've been back in Colorado for some time now and let me be the first to say-it's such a great feeling to be home. Classes are going perfect and I'm making a lot of new friends. However, it's nice to find comfort in the one place I call home with growing relationships and new adventures. Even with the temperatures dropping, I am having the time of my life. The feeling of constant growth in my new life is one of enjoyment. Everyday keeps getting better and better. (Also, I am currently learning how to dress for my first winter-wish me luck!)

Outfit breakdown: pants- Forever 21, boots- Charming Charlies, scarf and blazer- H&M, hat- gift

What I've learned

In just a few short days, I will be heading back to my home. To say the least, I am beyond excited. Even though my last few days in Mesa are filled with long boarding dates, day trips, and hikes, my mind cannot help but reflect on my past semester. I've learned so much in the past four months it's felt like five years. I love my new life in Colorado and I am grateful for all I've learned in that short amount of time. A feeling of excitement is all I feel when I look forward at my uncharted life. Here is a video I made of my first semester and a few life lessons my good friends and I have learned.

• Doing laundry at three am is the best time.
•  "God knows the true desires of my heart and satisfies them at exactly the right time." -Abigial
•  "God is always faithful, no matter what my opinion or plan is.” -Aaron
• It doesn't matter where you sit during Tiger Ball, you're never safe!
• "Trust and thank God in every situation good or bad, and if we want to be there or not because He is in control."-Jon
• Baking is always a better choice than homework
• If Taylor Swift starts playing loudly upstairs it's time for a dance party.
• Let it go
• "How funny and weird some of the people on campus are and yet how we still love them more than anything."-Jon
• If you don't go to bed, the birthday fairy won't come.
• Get the help you deserve.
• "Procrastination is still a bad idea." -Tami
• Pinterest is the best thing to ever happen to any college girl.
• "Don't goad someone into praking you." -Chris
• "Harry Potter is incredible." -Tami
• Stand up for what you believe and find out what you don't.
• “Don’t worry about God’s plans for life. In my new stage of life at college relying on  God’s plan is so important.” -Mackenzy
• Admit when you made a mistake.
• “God gives us natural talents/gifts and passions for a reason and we need to respond to His call by using them for His glory and to fulfill His purpose for us.” -Katie
• "It's a bad idea to talk to Sarah Norris before she is fully awake." -Tami
• Never trust the printer a couple hours before a major paper for FYI is due.
• "Nerf guns are the best thing to have in college." -Chris
• “It may look like chaos down here but God has everything in control up there.” -Sam
• "Don't trust Cockpit." -Tami

Operation Beautiful Heart

It all started last Monday when my RA and I had a conversation about modesty. This chat quickly changed to my obsession with clothes. It got me thinking; I spend way too much time thinking about clothes. I constantly analyze outfits, hairstyles, and make up tricks. My mind is filled with a myriad of outfits that I could create. My life is clothes and the ways I can buy more and wear more. At the end of our conversation I came to the conclusion that my unhealthy obsession needed to be dealt with. Now, I know for a fact that God created me with this fiery desire to adore clothes; however, He doesn't ask me to make them a idol in my life. I've realized that I absorb more time thinking about clothes than about the God who has an unfailing love for me. He created me in the most beautiful way and I am so cherished by Him for exactly for I am. With that, who cares if every single person in the world thinks my outfits are cute?! The God of the universe knows my heart is beautiful and that's all that matters to me. He doesn't care about my new H&M skirt as much as He does for my heart. For these reasons, I've decided to fast from vanity. For this week, I am abstaining from picking out a cute outfit and sticking to t-shirts and jeans. During Monday through Friday, I am refraining from wearing make-up or doing my hair. It may not seem like a big deal but it will be a challenge for me. On top of that, I will still get up the same early time I usually do but instead of getting ready I am going to spend time with God. I love clothes and God gave me a heart for fashion for me to enjoy it, but I know I need to control my desires to live a healthier live. I want to see what it will be like to completely rely on God for my source of confidence instead of my outfits and the compliments I get from them. I'm very intrigued to see who in my life notices and how well daily without my need for comfort in clothes. I am calling my fast "Operation Beautiful Heart" and I couldn't be more excited to see the ways God molds and stretches me while I write a daily report on my blog. "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair, wearing of gold jewelry, and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self. the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4

Day One:

I woke up this morning a little excited for my fast. Within five mintues that changed. "Why am I doing this?" I keep asking myself. I threw on jeans (this is very unusual for me and my Trade As One t-shirt) Without accessories and makeup, I checked the mirror to try to do the tangled mess some people like to call hair. Finally, after coming to the conclusion that I looked decent a lot of thoughts were running through my head. Such as, "I'm surprised how much uncute clothes I actually do own" or "there is a reason why I don't do ponytails! I feel like there is a bush tail on the back of my head."


Then I spend  the remaining couple minutes in my quiet time. Suddenly, when I walked into my living room I truly noticed the remarkable view. I bet this picture of beauty happens every morning but I never took the time to notice. The sun perfectly shined over the water and it was something I've missed out on before. After this, I read Psalm 29 which verse three reads, "The voice of the Lord is over the waters; the God of glory thunders, the Lord thunders over the mighty waters. The voice of the Lord is powerful; the voice of the Lord is majestic." As I looked out onto my great view I took note to the way the pond was moving. The water made the most beautiful motion as the air guided its waves. For the first time, I did not take note of another girl's outfit but something more admirable than that.

Well day one has come and gone, and I must say it was harder then I thought. All day I kept thinking when I got home I could put on some makeup or do my hair. Regularly, I would forget my purpose for taking part in this. Nevertheless, some other students asked me if I was okay, some told me I was beautiful, and one said it was his first time seeing me in jeans-which is a lie but I appreciated how he noticed. I wondered how girls don't wear dresses because I felt so uncomfortable all day and I noticed more girls' outfits who were wearing sweats than dresses. It's only been day one and my attitude has not been very positive. As the week comes I pray my confidence changes because through out the whole day my confidence level was very fickle.

Also I dressed my roommate today. After I did I thought to myself, "awesome I will dress my roommate all week!" However, she caught me and said I wasn't allowed to pick out her outfit because it would be cheating.  At least, I really loved her outfit today!

How to make chicken noodle soup and fruit pie

After hours of coughing and endless tissue runs, I'll admit I am sick. It's actually really diffcult for me to say this because I have a hard time being sick. I am just so busy that I don't have the energy it takes to get better. With that, I try changing some aspects of my life to help get over the illness. For instance, instead of going to the caf for every meal I cook. Some of the other girls were sick earlier this month so I looked up quick, feel good recipes. I love my newly famous homemade chicken noodle soup and my recently discovered fruit pie dishes that is just what the doctor ordered. It's the small choices that make me feel so much better. If only I can get to bed before two in the morning then maybe I would get over this nasty cold.

Day to night

One of the challenges of college is trying to not to wear 500 outfits within one day. Especially with the bipolar Colorado weather changes, it's hard to stick with one day for the whole day. Luckily, I've learned a couple quick changes that help keep my laundry load low. This came in handy a couple Sundays ago when I had church in the morning but a BBQ in the afternoon.

I'm obsessed with these H&M heels that are a perfect fit for any Sunday morning.

On the other hand, with a quick change to my Old Navy jean jacket and Urban Outfitters shoes, I was party ready. I must say, building outfits is not only such a big part of my life it's an obsession.

Fearless

When it comes to this topic it doesn't matter how much money you make or what clothes you wear. If I've learned anything this past summer, it's that life doesn't care who you are or where you're at when it throws something your way. The past three months I've gone through the biggest changes I've ever experienced. Needless to say, I'm tired, stressed, and fearful. As time has gone past since graduation, my experience as a "real" adult haven't been ideal. Through my car accident and becoming the sickest I've ever been, I can only grow. Through being the first to pick up everything to move to a new state, I can only become stronger. Through losing what I thought was the most critical part of my life I could only learn to be resilient.

When I hit a breaking point I thought to myself, "When did I become so fearful?" I never recall letting negative thoughts creep into my life as if they were true. Just because I am moving to a new state doesn't mean life won't happen for me. It only means I can become a mature adult faster. I look at other students my age and feel sorry for some.

This may be the scariest and loneliest point in my life so far. However, my growth, strength, and resilience is turning me into the adult I'm supposed to be faster. I guaranteed I am never going to apologize for being stressed out during this time in my life. I'm discovering who I am and that's hard. With that, I'll always praise God for the people in my life who will stick by me. Friends who accept me in all circumstances while having my back when I don't seem myself. Family who support me even when I'm angry, confused, and hurt. Writing, reading, and exercising more that makes me feel healed. Church family who constantly checks in on me and tells me keep my head high. More importantly, a God who knows I am worth it. Worth it to die for and work in and around my life. I'm going to be just fine because with these things in mind I'm fearless.
As of today, I don't worry anymore. I don't worry if I'll meet the right person. I don't worry about starting my life over in Colorado. There is nothing to worry about. So with no worry comes no stress and with no stress is no fear. I'm fearless. I'll embrace every moment of loneliness, hurt, joy, pain, and praise. On top of that, this past week I really learned that even one of the most important people in your life can let you down. Even when that happens, I won't let it stop me. I have to pick myself back up and keep going. What other choice do I have? I will never let life get me down; there's no reason for it!

I'm reminded of this: "So you have sorrow now, but I will see you again; then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy." - John 16:22. My final question is this--Is that all you got? That's nothing, life! Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life and I'm fearless.

Graduation update

At the beginning of the year I set goals for myself before I graduated high school. Now that it's been a week since I left Mountain View, I look back on what I did and didn't do.


1.Give a killer speech at my mom's wedding check. My favorite part of my mom's wedding was when she told me at the very end of the night that my toast made her wedding perfect. Needless to say, that made my night.
2.Graduate with a 3.5+ I got my report card in the mail yesterday and barley missed the mark. I blame senior laziness.
3.Take an awesome senior trip I never got my trip but I am going to Mexico for a week real soon so I guess that counts.
4.Make Dahlya the sickest graduation present I spend four months making her grad present. It was a lot of fun trading gifts. I made her a twenty minute video of the timeline of our friendship. She surprised me with a video reenacting important scenes from our friendship. I never laughed so hard. I love my best friend
5.Give a speech at graduation At least I tried
6.Make my prom dress Alright, story time. I couldn't find a pattern I liked. With that, I randomly bought a dress thinking that would be it. When I tried it on for a friend she noticed it was the same dress she wore to winter formal. That same day we went driving when I saw a hole in the wall dress store. There I found my dream dress and forgot about my goal to make one. However, mine had pockets so it all worked out.
7.Volunteer at a soup kitchen Instead I volunteer at a home for children. I start in two weeks.
8.Find someone to take my spot at Central I've learned over the past couple months that students come and go through student ministry but the impact of their influence never leaves. I know Lindsay Project will only excel in the years to come.
9.Have a yearbook signing party with all my friends Not yet, it's in the works however I got everyone I ever wanted to sign my beautiful book so I'm good.

Even though, it feels as if I didn't achieve any of my goals, I hope that the acting of trying and putting myself out there makes up for my faults and failures.

The me I want to be

My biggest guilty pleasures is self help books. I adore reading other's opinion about life and maybe taking away their life lessons. At the moment I am reading a book called "The Me I Want To Be: becoming God's best version of you" by John Ortberg. I tried reading this book over the summer in my book club but I run out of time. Fast forward to last week when it looked so lonely on my bookshelf and I decided to see what it could give me insight on. Within the first couple chapters I've already learned a lot. In chapter two, the author states that "we do not drift into becoming the best version of ourselves." Then, he breaks it down into the different rivals that keep us from becoming the type of people we want to be. Here is the breakdown and my favorite quotes from each section.

The Me I Pretend To Be
"God designed us to delight in our actual lives."
"We never have to pretend with God, and genuine brokenness pleases God more than pretend spirituality."

The Me I Think I Should Be

"Comparison kills spiritual growth."
"Each one of us has a me that we think we should be, which is at odds with the me God made us to be. Sometimes letting go of that self may be a relief. Sometimes it will feel like death."
"Should is an important word for spiritual growth, but God's plan is not for you to obey him because you should even though you don't want to. He made you to want his plan for you."

The Me Other People Want Me To Be (this is the one I deal with the most)

"Everyone in your life wants you to change...everybody had an agenda for you. This is the me other people want you to be."
"If I spend my life trying to becoming that me, I will never be free. Loving people means being willing to disappoint them sometimes. Jesus loved everyone, but that means at some point he disappointed everyone. Seeking to becoming the me that other people want me to be is a hollow way to live. Nobody else can tell you exactly how to change because nobody but God knows."
"He made you to be you-and no human being in your life gets the final word on who God made you to be."

The Me I'm Afraid God Wants
"There is an enormous difference between following rules and following Jesus, because I can follow the rules without cultivating the right heart."
"Jesus did not say, 'I have come that you might follow the rules.' He said, 'I have come that you might have life, and have it with abundance.'"

The Me That Fails To Be
"Languishing is the opposite of flourishing, and it was the fear of Henry David Thoreau that 'when I came to die, I would discover that I had not lived.'"

The Me I Am Meant To Be"God wants you to grow! He created the very idea of growth...Paul said that in Christ the whole redeemed community 'grows and builds itself up in love.'"
"God designed you to flourish 'so that' you could be part of his redemptive project in ways that you otherwise could not."
"Jesus once said that with God, all things are possible, and the great thing about life with God is that your next step is always possible. That step toward God is always waiting, no matter what you have done or how you have messed up your  life. Jesus was hanging on a cross with a thief hanging next to him, and Jesus turned to him and said, 'Today you will be with me in paradise."

It was total accident that I started to read this book. At the moment, I'm reading four other books but I had a strong urge to pick up this one. To be completely honest, I deal with who I want to be. I believe this is rooted in the fact I want to make everyone in my life proud. My parents, my friends, my church leaders the list goes on. I struggle with who I want to be while trying to live up to what others tell me. I'm thankful I've discovered this problem within myself and am starting to process through it before I move out and become my own. I am really stoked to see what else the book has to offer. I want to end with a paragraph the author wrote that I thought was the most encouraging and impacted me the most.

"Even you can't tell yourself how to change, because you didn't create you. To Love someone is to desire and work toward their becoming the best version of themselves. The one person in all the universe who can do this perfectly for you is God. He had no other agenda. He had no unmet needs he is hoping you can help him with. And he knows what the best version of you looks like. He delighted in the idea of it, and he is already working on it. The apostle Paul said, 'We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.' Which means God is at work every moment to help you become his best version of you."

A few of my favorite things

1. Going off Campus As seniors we receive the special privilege of going off campus for lunch. During my fall semester, I hardly ever took advantage of this. Now I try to make it off campus everyday. This and going to spouts for the sandwich special has become one of my new favorites.

2. Popsicles I totally forgot how much I love Popsicles till one of the editors brought a box to yearbook one day. The coolness of a yummy Popsicle is truly unbeatable. It was the best part of my day when the staffers compared the change of color on their tongues.

3. When other people fall I have been known to fall, trip, and stumble from time to time so it's refreshing when my follow clumsy friends take the big fall to the ground. It's nice not to be the only one who trips over nothing while simply walking.

4. Church camp "This one time at church camp.." now that that's out of the way. I love church camp, I compare it to family vacations. This year was my last one and it was one of the best. It was most likely the most calm weekend I've ever had at camp and it was also the perfect get away from the craziness in my life at the moment. It was also strange to think that just four short years ago I was afraid to get into the van to go to my very, first camp. As camp came to a close, it made me more and more sad to know it was my last camp ever. Hopefully, I will be running one of those camps sometime soon.

5. Mini me Meet one of my best friend's little sister, Kendall. I swear this cool kid is trying to be the next Melanie. When I went over to Kaylie's house for our usual Gossip Girl night her sister only did something if I did, had soda if I had soda, and desperately wanted to sit next to me during diner. She actually only put on her PJ's when she saw I had mine on as well. Yes, it's always nice to be admired and copied.

6. Best friend time My best friend Dahlya has a history of being kinda busy. Whether it's travel, school, or auditions Dahlya has a full load. For this reason, when she has a free moment for best friend time I take it. She makes my days better and brighter so spending time with her is a must. Honestly, these past couple weeks she has been the best possible friend ever and every time I spend even a ounce of time with her I become more thankful for her presence in my daily life.

7. Dance parties Every year at church camp we throw a dance party. Last year, it was 80s themed and this year was neon. It got a little crazy and the best part was at the end when all the seniors got into a huge huddle to spend the last song together. My youth group is cool.

Looking back I'm not sure where the past two weeks have gone. I was thinking about it earlier today and I had a lot of fun but my business has consumed me to the point where I don't remember falling asleep. But, I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I was reading my journal the other night and I came across a paragraph I wrote on December 19, 2010, "I feel so lucky sometimes. Even when I'm really stressed I am still loved by God, I still love others, and I am still loved by others. Even when I have a lot of problems going on I am still forgiven. I have faith." This still rings true in my life today. As my best friend once said to me, "Life is too short to be sad about anything."